


This Is Not A Good Situation! [Valki Week Day 6- Loki]

by Lazy Cat Corner (Gummyyummy156)



Series: Valki Week 2018 [6]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), a strange crossover that i didnt intend to happen, here's hoping valkyrie wont find out!, just really cute wholesomeness that this world deserves!, loki goes in a panic and needs help, or anyone for that matter!, shhh dont tell the girlfirend!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-21 23:52:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15569109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gummyyummy156/pseuds/Lazy%20Cat%20Corner
Summary: Prompt: “Why’d you stop? That felt nice.”A short paragraph that got out of hand! Loki forgets the most important thing today and goes to extreme measures to fix it before nobody notices. Too bad there is always someone watching.





	This Is Not A Good Situation! [Valki Week Day 6- Loki]

**Author's Note:**

> This is a prompt that went a bit too far, but the more I wrote, the bigger the idea got. I didn't have much time to edit, and I wish I did because I would have loved to make the adventure bigger, but...I had to think small for today! 
> 
> Thank you for being patient and I'm so happy that we are nearing day 7! Thank you all for being here with me while I work on each and every theme. Okay, let's do this!

“Why’d you stop? That felt nice.” Loki smiles and settles himself deeper in the pillow.

Brunnhilde leans forward and gives a peck on the cheek. “Thor needs me to go to Alfheim today and…” she climbs out of the bed and rummages through her dresser. “I-is this clean,” she pulls the shirt to her nose and gives a sniff. Giving a look of approval she proceeds to slip it on,”I want to get back before tonight.”

“Tonight?” Loki raises an eyebrow. “What’s tonight?”

“The feast.” Loki quirks and eyebrow. “My _birthday feast._ The one Thor is forcing me to go to,” she clarifies.

“Oh, right!” Loki nods. “Come back soon.”

“You forgot it was my birthday.”

“I did not,” Loki says flatly. “How could I forget your birthday? It’s right before...a holiday and just after...a weekday!”

“You did forget, and it's only because I rarely talk about it or remind you.” She shimmies on her pants. “Which is how I want my birthday celebrated.” Brunnhilde slips on the last of her armor and sheathes Dragonfang to her side.

“Right,” Loki gives a smirk. “ _And_ _I knew all along_. I’m only celebrating it the way you want.”

Brunnhilde barks out a laugh.

“Oh, what a good boyfriend you are." She leans forward for a kiss. “I don’t think anybody has forgotten my birthday like you do,” she humors him.

“Didn’t forget.”

Brunnhilde opens the door to step out.

“See you tonight,” she winks.

The door closes and Loki jumps out of the bed.

“Shit! Shit shit shit!!!” Loki fumbles around the room for clothes before he remembers how to use his seidr, again. His clothes shimmer back on and he reaches for his phone.

_Should he call Thor for help? No, he would only make fun of him or accidentally tell everyone. New Asgard isn’t doing too well money wise so he shouldn’t ask Thor to fix his problem. Banner is away for some conference with Tony-_

An idea strikes Loki.

Stark Industries is probably a little more vacant. If he remembers correctly, Tony Stark has some liquor that Brunnhilde enjoys. He wouldn’t notice a missing bottle, would he? Anyway, now that he’s doing this whole “hero business” it wouldn’t count as theft if he replaces it as soon as possible. Perhaps an illusion to take its place for the time being.

Loki gathers his things and walks out the door.

* * *

“Pass code required!” The AI says with an annoyingly chipper voice.

“Shit,” Loki mutters under his breath. “How many locks does this liquor cabinet have?” Loki reaches for his grimoire and searches for another spell to confuse the computer. The final lock clicks and lets him in. The door opens wider than he expected. Apparently, Stark doesn’t have a liquor cabinet and more of a cellar. 

Loki takes a small tour in the room and eyes each bottle carefully. He doesn’t want to take anything too expensive. Nothing he couldn’t pay back, but he does want something Brunnhilde would appreciate. He decides to settle on a mid-shelf bottle.

His hand is halted by a dense rope wrapped around his hand. A familiar voice echoes in the cellar.

“FREEZE! The Avengers have you surrounded!”

A second familiar voice follows them.

“And I have a taser and a panic button that Tony says to use if-

“Ned, shush!” The other voice hisses. “Mr-Umm...Tony will be here _very soon_ so you better turn yourself in before things get dangerous!”

All panic leaves Loki when he realizes who these voices belong to. Loki lets out a deep breath and snaps his finger. His hand is released and all the lights of the cellar turn on.

“Mr.Loki?” Peter Parker takes off his mask and gapes at the sorcerer.

“Hello, kids.” Loki flashes a smile. “I know this looks bad-

“Because it is bad.” Ned interrupts. “I mean, you were about to steal from Mr. Stark's cellar.” His voice trails off.

“Right,” Loki clasps his hands. “And there's a reasonable explanation for it. You see, I’m in need of this bottle.”

“Why?” Peter shifts his eyes to the bottle he is motioning to. “You’re a prince. Couldn’t you just buy your own.”

“Well,” Loki frowns. “Not quite. Asgard is no longer the wealthiest realm on account of everything catching fire,” he sighs. “I assumed Stark would have told you everything.”

“He did,” Peter nods. “But your people don't have a...umm...savings account?”

“Hmm, you would think that would be a wise decision and _we would_ if my un-trusting father _told us_ where that vault is.” He grits his teeth at nobody in particular in the room. “My point is, I have no money and I need that bottle of scotch.”

“What do you need the scotch for?” Ned tilts his head.

Loki can feel his irritation growing. He should have left the second he was caught.

“BECAUSE- Loki pauses to take a deep breath. It’s not this child’s fault he’s forgetful and probably the worst boyfriend ever. “Because,” he says more calmly, “my lady’s birthday is today and I forgot. I need to get her a present and I already decided I will replace it as soon as I can,” he gives a sincere smile.

“You forgot your girlfriend’s birthday?” Ned sucks in a breath and gives a look of disappointment. “For shame! How is it someone that old forgets birthdays?”

“Old? I’m only-”Loki stops himself when he realizes who he is talking to. He sinks his head and huffs out a breath. “Look, I’m not proud of it either, but we had a long week and last night Brun and I fell asleep watching Breaking Bad. So, now that you know how pitiful I really am, may I please take the scotch?” He prays to the Norns the do-gooder kid will show him some mercy.

“No.” Peter says flatly. Loki sucks in a deep breath to counter and is halted. “But we will help you!” The boy gives a friendly grin.

“We will?” Ned turns cautiously.

“Umm, yes. If we help Mr.Loki then he won’t steal from Mr. Stark or anyone else. So, I’ll help you get your girlfriend a last-minute present!”

Loki remains silent. It’s not too late to flee and find someplace else to pilfer. Peter gives one final warning.

“It’s either this or I tell Mr. Stark _who will then_ tell your brother who will tell your girlfriend! Do you really want to get in trouble over something as stupid as shoplifting? Your choice, sir.” Peter crosses his arms.

Loki fights back the urge to soften at Peter’s endearing bravery for standing up to him. If the boy has a better plan than him and will keep his mouth shut, it might be worth a try.

“You won’t tell anyone?”

“As long as you promise to be good, our lips are sealed!” He reassures.

Loki holds his hands up in surrender.

“Alright, fine. I’ll do it your way, but I need something by tonight. So, let’s do it quick!”

Peter blinks. “Oh? Okay!” He says with a tone of surprise. “Well, this way!” He motions out the door.

“I don’t suppose you have any money I could borrow?” Loki follows the boy’s lead who seems to have the layout of this building memorized.

Peter shakes his head as he takes his spider-suit off.

“Not really. I just helped Aunt May out with the rent and even though Mr. Stark tells me not to worry about it, it only feels right I help her. It’s the least I could do for everything she does. Plus, if Mr. Stark knew that we had the smallest setback, he would get carried away and he’s already paying for school and…” Peter clears his throat, “We’re doing fine, so, he doesn’t need to worry,” Peter smiles.

Loki smooths the crease on his forehead. This kid probably has near to nothing and is still offering to help him out. Neither him or Thor were even close to as generous as he is and they came from aristocracy with more money than Asgard knew what to do. That brings a little guilt to his heart knowing all the people he could have helped if he cared to even listen to anyone outside the Asgard gates. Perhaps he would have been on better terms with Thor if they both had more empathy for the rest of the world.

“I think I might have twenty dollars!” His friend pipes.

Loki holds out his hand. “No, that’s not necessary. It wouldn’t be wise to owe you two anything. So, I don’t really have Midgardian currency and crime is off the table. What would two heroes like you do in a time like this?”

The two pause in thought.

“Finding a quick job wouldn’t be that easy!” Peter considers.

“And not something _I_ the most hated person on Earth could get easily, anyway. Anything else?”

“Oh!” Ned speaks up. “You could sell something. Maybe some...potions? Do you do that? Soccer moms here would kill for those things. They already go nuts for kale and detox shots thinking it would make them look like their teenage daughters.”

“I can do potions, but I doubt I could come up with anything safe for a Midgardian on the spot. That could take days to perfect with some tests and I don’t think Thor would be pleased if Asgard is ridden with a lawsuit.”

“No, that wouldn’t be a good idea.” Peter pauses to think for a moment. “Okay, do you have anything you could part with? I know some people back at home who will pawn things.”

“Pawn?” Loki repeats the word carefully.

“You know,” Ned hums in thought, “Like a merchant or a tradesman. They buy and sell things.”

“Oh, right. Should have considered that first.” Loki nods. If he weren't in a panic, he probably wouldn't have automatically resorted to the most immoral options. 

“He usually prefers metals, gems or jewelry. I wouldn’t recommend selling anything you’d miss though, it’s hard to buy things back from him, but he makes good deals.”

“I’ll see what I have.” Loki steps forward and places a hand on each of their shoulders. “I don’t suppose either of you get motion sickness easily.”

“Psh, not old Spider-Man,” Peter points to his chest. “I get tossed around on the daily. Mostly on purpose!”

Ned fidgets with his hands. “I don’t know, I’ve only been on an airplane, before.”

“Hmm, I would say that’s nearly the same…”

“So, what are we taking?” Peter cracks his knuckles and bounces on the balls of his feet. Looking more excited than he should. “Are we flying? Super speed? Do you have a hammer that can-

“Teleport.”

In a flash, the three disappear.  

Peter and Ned stumble forward and catch themselves on the couch.

“Whoa, that was awesome!”

“Oh god! My stomach is twitching. Should it be twitching? Is that normal?”

“You two are fine,” Loki waves his hand. “Just sit here and I’ll rummage for something.”

Loki scans his living room for something worth using.

“Huh,” Ned stands up and looks around. The boy clearly bounces back quicker than he should have. “Is this your house? It’s nice!”

“Yeah, I’ll say,” Peter picks up one of his mother’s vases and inspects it. He would feel the urge to tell him to leave it alone, but his mother always told him there’s no point in owning something if you can’t touch it. The boy carefully sets it down when he considers it’s probably something old and valuable. “No doubt, you will find something you can use.”

“Maybe spare a silver spoon?” Ned rubs his hands. “I’ve been needing to replace my stereo.” Peter throws a sharp glare. “I’m kidding!” He puts his hands in the air.

“I wouldn’t say this is _my house_. It’s a sort-of apartment within the palace.”

“The palace?” The two shout in synchronization.  

“We-We’re in New Asgard? In Norway!” Peter says with the widest grin on his face. “Oh my god! I’ve been begging Mr. Stark to take me but he was all, _not now, it’s not a vacation, it’s for business!_ ” Peter says with an impressively accurate Tony Stark impression.

“And I’ve always wanted to go to Norway!” Ned dashes over to the nearest window and opens the curtain. “Peter, look! We’re by the water, and there’s real mountains over there!” He pulls up his phone and begins snapping pictures while Peter takes the next window to marvel at the view. “Too bad I can’t post this online,” he frowns.

“Hey, at least I’m here to see it with you!” Peter smiles.

“True! Hey, maybe Spider-Man can post it!”

“Uh, I don’t know about that. Mr. Stark thinks we’re in New York, remember?”

“Oh,” Ned gives a look of disappointment.

After a few more minutes of awe and idle chatter, Peter turns around with a suddenly serious face.

“So, Mr. Loki. Do you have anything here to use?”

“Some blades I don’t need,” Loki says. “They’re effective for concealing, but don’t do much damage. Usually I use them for display or to mince garlic, but I could part with one of them.”

Loki walks into the kitchen and returns with a small knife. No bigger than something you would use in a kitchen. “I have four of these. Do you think the metal would be useful?”

Peter picks up the knife and inspects it. It’s quite remarkable. The blade shimmers different colors in every direction and it looks like there’s tiny specks of gems inside.  

“Depends,” he hums in thought. “What kind of metal is it? Not from Earth, I assume.”

“It’s an Alfheim metal. Made by elves. It can be melted for healing properties and is quite durable. Do you think it would be worth anything.”

Peter gives a look of approval.

“As long as you show up to Eric with that kind of sales pitch _and_ he sees who he’s making a deal with, I doubt he could say no!”

Loki pockets his blades.

“Tell me where this _Eric_ is. I think I can find him.”

Peter starts giving him the direction when someone comes barging through the door.

“Hey, boss! You know that Brun’s feast is today and I want to know which bow tie will make me look more-” Korg pauses mid-thought, “who are your friends?”

The two kids gape in awe at the giant rock-beast.

“Umm, we are…” Peter trails off. Trying his best to think of a good lie.

“Elves!!!” Ned shouts. “From...Elvenheim!”

“Alfheim,” Loki pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Alfheim!”

“Elves?” Korg tilts his head. “You’re quite short from when I last remember you?”

“These are our human disguises,” Ned motions to himself. “Aren’t they convincing?”

Korg studies the two boys and nods. “Yes, very well done!”

“And you can’t tell anyone that we are here,” Ned waves his hand in front of Korg's face.

“Why not?” He frowns.

“Because...we are on an important mission!”

“Oh! I’m familiar with that,” Korg smiles.

“You are?” Peter looks at him carefully.

“Oh, yes! My friend, Brunnhilde, is doing it, right now. She should be back, soon!”

“Exactly!” Loki steps forward and places his hand on Korg. Ushering him out. “So, we already are aware the elves are here and nobody else needs to know. Wouldn’t want it to go to the wrong ears,” he whispers.

“Oh, of course, boss! I’ll see you tonight at eight?”

“Yes you will. Goodbye.” Loki shuts the door and lets out a breath of relief.

“That was close,” Ned slouches.

“Well done, Ned!” Peter pats his friend on the back.

“Yes, well done. Anyway,” Loki reaches over and places his hands on their shoulders. “Before we lose sunlight!”

In a blink, the three vanish and appear right in front of the shop Peter directed.

* * *

“I’ll give you three-hundred!”

“Three-hundred?” Loki lifts an eyebrow. “Exactly how out of touch do you think I am with Midgardian currency, sir? Do you have any idea how much those blades are worth on Alfheim?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Eric shrugs. “But, how do I _know_ Alfheim is real?”

“How do you know?” Ned steps forward and slams his hands on the counter. “Do you know _who this is_?” He motions to Loki that admittedly, made him feel a bit flattered.

“Yeah, yeah,” Eric waves a dismissive hand. “Alien prince wanted to take over the world and ended up saving it. Truth is, you’re yesterday’s bad boy. I could offer an autograph and boost it to four-hundred, but now, everyone’s after The Black Order memorabilia. Look, I’m giving you the best offer I can with what I know.”

Loki clenches his jaw. Since when did villains become a novelty item? These disgraceful people wouldn’t be so greedy for their artifacts if they had to deal with them for even a minute.

“What do you want him to do?” Peter puts his hands up in the air. “Take you to Alfheim himself?”

“Well,” Eric gives a look of interest. “If you could, I’m sure we could arrange a new offer!”

“I’ll do you one better,” Loki takes a closer step. “I’ll show you _exactly_ how I earned those knives!” Loki places his thumb on the man’s forehead. In a matter of seconds, the man snaps out of his daze with a queasy look on his face.

“Well, sir. I’m not quite sure if I should congratulate or shame you! Elves are a _crafty_ species,” his voice trembles. 

“They were in a lazy mood if you need honesty,” Loki gives a look of satisfaction. “So, what’s our new offer?”

* * *

“Ten-thousand?” Ned fans himself. “How does an offer even increase like that?”

“The boy saw reason when he learned what I had to do to get them.” Loki smirks.

“So, how did you get those knives?” Ned turns.

“It’s not for a child’s ears,” Loki waves his hand.

The two look at each other nervously. Not quite sure if they want to know what that implies.

Before he heads off to the liquor store, Loki turns to the boys and halts them in their tracks.

“Here,” Loki hands each of them a knife. “For your troubles!” He smiles.

Ned and Peter gasp in unison.

“You only sold two of them?” Ned drops his jaw.

“I only needed to sell _one of them_.” He shrugs.  

“YOU ONLY NEEDED-” Ned pauses to take in a deep breath. “I’ve never held so much money in my entire life! I’m rich!” He throws a look of glee. “Forget my stereo, I’m getting a turntable,” he laughs.

“Mr. Loki, I don’t think I can accept-

“You have to!” He interrupts. “I don’t want anymore debts to owe and it’s something to remind you not to tell anyone what happened.” He gives a stern look. “If you refuse it, it’s a crime against Asgard. We take our debts seriously,” he bluffs.

“You heard him!” Ned smiles. “ _We have to_." He jabs Peter's shoulder. "It’s only the right thing to do.”

“That’s more like it,” Loki holds back a smirk.

After the boys persistently thank him, they part and make their separate ways.

Loki leaves with a lighter feeling in his chest. He admits it was over the top, and not really necessary. He could have given them something as mundane as a sweet, but he just felt like he could do better. He wouldn’t technically consider this charity,  but it did make him feel better knowing he probably helped those boys families. In a small way, it took some of the guilt off his chest.

* * *

Loki returns and with excellent time to spare. Hopefully, Brunnhilde didn’t come back and he can set up the gift as if he had it prepared all along.

Loki stops dead in his tracks, the _oddest_ smell permeating the room. He hasn’t smelled anything like it since the stables in Asgard. Loki turns to the source and freezes.

The demigod calmly sets the bag down on the coffee table and studies the oversized winged-horse gnawing on his couch cushion.

_Brunnhilde better be home!_

He wouldn’t have any other way to explain it to her if this was somehow his fault.

“Sweetheart.” Loki calls over into the hallway.

“Yes?” Brunnhilde’s voice coming from the kitchen.

Loki takes in a deep sigh, “Why is there a pegasus in our apartment?”

“Umm...it’s my birthday and I wanted to treat myself.” It sounded more like a question than a statement.

**Author's Note:**

> WHAT? WHY IS THERE A PEGASUS IN THE LIVING ROOM? WILL I EVER ANSWER THAT QUESTION?  
> I mean, I feel like at this point, I should. It wouldn't be nice for me to leave it like that. LMAO!  
> [Edit] Just proceed to the next work and you will find out where the pegasus came from!  
> Feel free to say hi to me on [Tumblr!](http://lazy-cat-corner.tumblr.com/) That’s where most of my shenanigans take place.  
> 


End file.
